self esteem boosters

Anonymous asked: I'm 20 & I feel like I've lost so much time on things that I wanted to be doing but couldn't due to my bordering on extreme social anxiety for about 4 years & finally pulling myself out of it, I feel like I've fallen very far behind on everything, I was supposed to be on my own, steady job, boyfriend & possibly school by now. I don't know what to do now. No job, no qualifications or anything. I've hit a wall & I can't figure out how to break through it or go over it. Any ideas??

You need to completely abandon the ‘I should have’ mindset. Life never goes as planned. There is no should-have path. You just need to work with what you have now. You’re here. The past is gone. Let it go 100%. Figure out the next step. Find out what you want, even if it’s a baby step. One day at a time toward the future you want.

Anonymous asked: i was wondering if you have any tips or know of any books to recommend for the following issue. i have trouble 'saying no' and would like to improve by getting rid of that or just in general be able to be more upfront about certain things. my problem is that i cannot be too mean and so being 'too nice' leads me to get used easily. others ask 'for help' and i can't push them away but i end up taking on too many tasks and i don't really benefit from them so now i feel too overwhelmed/stressed :(

A lot of people have trouble saying no. It leads to the crazy work/school environments that we have. It’s not mean to say no and you don’t have to push people away to do it. You just have to make them aware that you’re too busy and it’s their responsibility. Say, ‘I’d like too help but I have way too much on my plate right now.’ Or, ‘I’m not the best for that. Why not as X?’ Or flat out, ‘No. I can’t.’

We imagine that we’ll be rude like that but it isn’t true. You’d be surprised that the reception to simply saying no isn’t as bad as you think.

Anonymous asked: I want to try out dramatic arts/theater/acting but I don't know where to go to just 'try it' to see if I have any potential without shelling out thousands for college to find it's not for me. Can anyone help me with this? (I'm 20)

Most local community centers have drama classes and/or plays. I know that even in my very small home town I saw signs for local plays all the time! Anyone else?

Anonymous asked: Thinking about the things I need to do to better about myself makes me miserable but I know if don't think about them then I'll never change and it makes me just as depressed. It feels like there's pretty much no way around feeling like this

We all do this to ourselves, just to different extents. Instead of just thinking, ‘I need to do everything better,’ prioritize and get on it. What’s the most important thing to you right now? Your grades? Make a plan to do all your homework before you use the internet at night. College? Work on your applications before going out with friends. Whatever the most important thing is, work on it then move down the list. Life is about constantly improving, but making peace with things we will never be perfect at.

Anonymous asked: I'm afraid to do things in case things turn out badly. For example, I'm afraid of adopting a dog because it'll eventually die and I'll be sad. I'm afraid of working in healthcare (my dream job) because I might see people die or they don't get better. Generally, I'm reluctant to be attached to things/people/animals in case bad things happen. How can I get through this?

This is common. I have a constant fear of losing Zero, and I have friends with kids who sit on their floor all night because they’re afraid that they’ll stop breathing. You need to realize that you can’t experience love, beauty, and passion without the risk of loss. If you never hold onto anyone, you won’t lose them, but you’ll be alone anyway.

Anonymous asked: What do you do when you finally figure out who you are and who’re meant to be? Rejoice? What if it means that, when you grow up, you’ll always struggle with money, just like your parents. You’ll never be happy because you lack the experience/knowledge to make anything good and you’re too much of an introverted loser to find or be offered such experiences. What do you do when you finally figure out who you are and it brings you to tears? I just found out I’m a writer.

If you know you’re a writer, then you work to be a great one. You don’t call yourself an introverted loser. e.e. cummings rarely stepped outside but her work is world renowned. I’m sure JK Rowling didn’t really go to Hogwarts, then write about it (though I’m holding out a tiny sliver of hope that it’s real). You work two jobs. You work in an office or school or wherever all day, and write on your breaks or at night like every other writer starting out. Many well known writers still work day jobs. If you love it, you make it work.

Anonymous asked: What do you do when the only purpose in life you had was something you could not do due to a disability?

You have a lot of options. You can find a way around the disability, like the way amputees can still run, or blind/deaf/learning disabled people can still write with the assistance of programs like Dragon (I feel like it’s called Dragon, but I totally don’t remember). It’s rare that there is absolutely no way around a disability and there hasn’t been an invention to make a way around it. If there isn’t, you could always create one.

Or, you can be completely passionate about something without doing it. Have you ever seen a group of guys screaming at the television, updating their fantasy league, and nonstop talking about a sports team? I’m sure you have. They don’t play on that team. They usually don’t even play the sport. That doesn’t make them any less passionate about it. I cannot for the life of me dance, but I love to watch dancing. I can’t run a marathon, but I can get involved in setting one up. I can’t single handedly fix a war torn nation, but I can send donations. I quit gymnastics when I was six, so there is no way I could ever be an Olympic gymnast, but I can watch it and be amazed. While I watch in amazement, I work on my own career, something I love and can do and am good at.

If you really love it, you’ll find a way to be involved in it somehow.

Anonymous asked: I'm a loner and when I'm older (I'm 21), I plan on living in an apartment with a cat or two. My future is pretty bleak beyond that and I worry. I work at a fast food joint, how could I possibly make enough to support my future bills and pets!? I'm not capable of much. I'm not a quick thinker and I panic under pressure. Employers want the opposite so finding a better job seems nigh impossible. It all seems that I'll be living with my parents forever.

You don’t have to be great under pressure or a lightening fast thinker. Not everyone is like that. Honestly, I would think a restaurant/fast food place would be one of the best examples of that environment! You can always work in a office, do secretarial work, work any kind of ‘behind the scenes’ jobs. Do the books, maybe you’re good with numbers. Be a cashier or stocker at a book store. There are so many options. You can do whatever you want, as soon as you lift the limit you put on yourself when you say, ‘I’m not capable of much.’

Anonymous asked: Is it true that it's never to late to do what you've always dreamed of doing? I know that 20 is young but I still feel like I should have gotten started at 17 but never had the guts to till now. On one had it's do or die. Do it and be good at it or fail, or Die full of regret that I never at least tried. The other hand, I'm not sure I should bother. Or am I just thinking to much? :P haha Thanks, you're really awesome!

Yeah of course. Unless you want to be like, an olympic gymnast, in which case you needed to start when you were four. It’s never too late. Didn’t you hear about that 80 year old woman who just attempted to swim..something. Something huge. The channel or the gulf or something, I wasn’t really listening. 20 is very, very young. You can be whatever you want at any age though. I had lots of middle aged people in my classes at college because they were starting new careers. It’s never too late to start.

Anonymous asked: Hi! I'm a high school junior and I'm thinking about what I'm going to do for my future. I'm planning to get into a 4 year college, but I want to work at the same time-something better than working at some restaurant or things my friends are doing. Can I go to school to get a certification for something during my senior year? Or should I just go to school for the certification right after I graduate. Help? Thanks so much!

I’m confused. What’s a certification? Like, for a technical job? When I was in high school and college I worked part time jobs that didn’t require any sort of certification. I’m just lost. Someone help me out!