self esteem boosters

Anonymous asked: hey, sorry for the awkward question. i'm technically a totally straight woman but i've discovered that i can turn myself on by imagining a sexy woman (seducing a man). i feel really weird because i can't say i've ever been attracted to anyone of the same sex. is that normal that what i imagine in order to get turned on is something completely different than my "real" sex life? because i honestly can't complain about my sexual reality. ;)

Lots of straight men and women watch porn with a man and woman together. Especially if you’re straight, your sex is probably going to involve a woman (you! yay!) and a man (a hot, smart, sexy one! yay!) so it makes sense. Even if she’s someone else in your mind, you might be thinking ‘I could be that hot, seductive woman.’

Plus, bodies are just sexy. Orgies are things for a reason. Like, yay for breasts and hips and butts and penises and vaginas and hands and calves and slim shoulders and broad shoulders and curves and straight lines and stuff. It’s all sexy! It’s okay to like seeing a hot woman with a hot man. It’s awesome to see a hot woman alone or with another woman or two men (tons of straight females read m/m slash and even f/f slash because ugh relationships and feelings and hot sex). Porn and fantasies are just that, fantasies. It’s not your sex life. You’re not fucking in a gym or fucking the delivery guy or fucking a guy with a gigantic penis and you don’t have fake boobs, nails, and hair. Fantasies are for fun. In real life, there is much colliding and funny noises and awkward starts.

Your fantasy can be anything at all and I promise it isn’t weird. Go browse the tags of your favorite fandom on ao3. You will be rocked back by the kinks there. Hot ladies is very low on the list of weird.

Embrace that sex life and the fantasy, lady! IRL, you are the hotass woman, and you better love that!

Anonymous asked: I have a hard time believing a guy could like me because I hate myself. I'm really insecure about sex because I feel fat; I always had it in the dark w my ex. There's a new guy I'm interested in & he says he likes me but idk how I can make myself believe him, and I'm nervous about getting physical bc I've gained about 10lbs since the last time he saw me & I'm worried now hell think I'm fat & not like me. Basically I'm a bundle of insecurity.

Everyone is pretty insecure about sex, no matter how much you have. There will always be moments of like ‘oh god, I feel fat’ or ‘oh god, I just elbowed him in the nose’ or ‘wow, do I really make that weird sound? I sound like a dying manatee.’ But it’s all good! You’re both focused on doing what you’re supposed to be doing. He’s thinking about making you feel good (his mind is probably like WHAT IS THIS GSPOT THEY TALK ABOUT????) and his own body and insecurities combined with thinking ‘I cannot believe this funny, nice, beautiful, awesome girl agreed to get naked with me, I’m so fucking lucky.’

If you like him, I assume you think he’s a good guy, and if he’s a good guy, he gives no shits about your weight or body type. You need to do some naked dancing, yoga, or even just chilling to get used to your own body. It does awesome things for you, especially your belly, like process food and protect your organs. Your thunderthighs are thunderous because they’re super kickass and carry you through life and kick insecurity in the face. Your boobs are just perfect and will someday feed a baby if you’re so inclined. Your arms are these great sticks that are used to do pushups and write symphonies and also punch insecurity in the face when your legs get tired. Fuck insecurity. Your body does the most ridiculously complicated things all day long to keep you living. Appreciate it, hug it, love it, put it naked in places with other naked people when you want to, have babies with it or don’t, run with it or don’t, bulk it up, slim it down, feed it feed it feed it. It is your house. Don’t burn it down.

Anonymous asked: On my personal blog sometimes I like to post TTs, though I keep my bra on. If my mother knew she'd tell me that it's wrong and that I'm allowing men to sexually objectify me. Is what I'm doing really that wrong? On the one hand I feel like it's okay, that it's my body, on the other hand I'm afraid of seeming like a slut.

IT’S OKAY TO SHOW YOUR BOOBIES TO WHOEVER YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR BOOBIES.

Saying that nude photos is allowing men to objectify you is just another reminder that even when we do something ourselves for ourselves, men are in control and we must avoid doing anything that might make them see us as objects. Of course, men objectify women because every other ad is a woman shaped like an object:

You showing your tits because you feel like it is up to you. Do what you want with your body. Keep in mind that men can walk around shirtless, but in some states girls can’t drive cars in bikini tops because it will ‘distract drivers.’ Apparently boobs are so overwhelming, they cause car accidents and possible fatalities. This is only because society has sexualized breasts to the extreme.

Saying posting boobs makes men objectify you is like saying short skirts cause rape. Boobs are sexualized if the viewer sexualizes them. Otherwise, they’re a body part that does cool stuff like feed babies and make running really annoying.

Anonymous asked: (sex blog anon) So it's not weird to write or draw or read stuff like that? How do I explain it if someone finds out? My family would just be like okay you're off to the nunnery don't pack the vibrator. I know I'm not 'slutty', I guess that was the wrong word, I just feel weird but I also feel like I should be able to express that side of myself even if society thinks I'm a skank for it.

No, it’s not weird! I promise. Fuck society. And delete the words skank and slut from your vocabulary. You don’t have to explain it to anyone. Your sex life if your sex life. Your body is yours alone and no one else can govern that! If they find it you say, ‘it is nacho business!’

Anonymous asked: Is it weird to want to make a sex blog? I think it's a lovely thing but at the same time I feel kinda guilty and dirty for wanting to look at pics of it/read/write/draw anything sexy. I like erotic lit but I feel too guilty to enjoy it. I feel like if anyone found out they'd think I'm slutty.

YOU ARE NOT SLUTTY! Slut is an invented word to shame women out of sexuality. Fuck that. Do your thing! Start a sex blog, watch porn, write porn, masturbate, start a collection of sex toys. Do whatever the fuck you want to do! Embrace your sexual urges and go with it.

Anonymous asked: I know I don't *need* a relationship, but I miss the closeness and the different kind of relationship of dating someone. And sex. But I can't meet anyone right now for a variety of reasons. Ugh, I suppose I just needed to vent. You're awesome.

The thing is, everyone needs affection. We’re starved without human touch from loved ones (think Harlow’s monkeys) but we don’t need a man/woman/relationship to fulfill that. Do this for me: the next time you see your friend, go up to them and hug them. Not a crappy hug, a real, big, lung squishing hug. Don’t let go until you feel a little better. Who knows, it might change their whole day too.

While you’re single, figure out a few things. What are your basic needs from people - a good listener, someone with a host of pop culture references, romantic gestures? These are things you’ll need to know when you decide you want a healthy relationship again. Then fulfill these things yourself. Immerse yourself in books and movies and paintings and poetry. Answer your own conversation. Figure out what makes you happy in bed, not having sex wise. Warm baths or nine thousand pillows or no blankets or whatever. That bed is yours, make it yours. I hated sleeping alone in a big bed in an empty apartment so I adopted a rescue dog. It wasn’t a super rational decision but we were both feeling abandoned and kind of saved each other. He now has free reign of the right side of the bed and no man will ever change that.

Then figure out what makes you happy sex wise. Explore urges and kinks and turn ons. Just like you can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself, you probably won’t have good sex with someone else until you have good sex with yourself. Knowing exactly what you want goes a long way when you decide you’re ready to invite someone into your bed again. It’s the difference between driving around with a GPS and aimlessly turning through a city hoping you finally reach your destination.

Anonymous asked: Is it appropriate to end a relationship because my sex drive far exceeds his? I don't want him to think it's all I'm after because it's not, but that area isn't satisfying and I don't ever want him to feel pressured. It's just not an area where we fit well. This is the 2nd guy I've dated who has thought I've had a super high drive for a girl...1 guy was odd but now 2 and I'm feeling decidedly weird.

It’s never ‘inappropriate’ to end a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. I always suggest working on it, because every good relationship takes a solid effort on both parts, and he’s never going to change something that he doesn’t know is bothering you. For all you know, he could be holding back! If he isn’t, and if you can’t evolve into a happy sex life together where you’re both fulfilled, then you aren’t entirely happy and you shouldn’t be in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.

Don’t think that you’re strange, though. Society has cast women in this conflicting Madonna/whore role. We’re supposed to act innocent and like a little girl until we get into the bedroom. Culture says we don’t masturbate, we don’t have any kinks, and we certainly don’t initiate sex, we’re just there for men when they want sex. But of course, that isn’t the truth! You can want sex all the time, that’s cool. There’s nothing wrong with any type of sexual urge, embrace it.

Anonymous asked: okay, this is embarrassing to ask but are you supposed to shave down there? Please don't say something like 'it's your body so it's up to you' or whatever because I want to know do most people? Is it weird not to? What do guys actually expect to see?

You’re going to hate me, but it’s up to you. Seriously, never ever ever let anyone dictate what you do with your body. Guys expect to see a vagina. They aren’t entirely sure what’s happening down there for the most part (which tends to become more obvious the more sex you have) so it really needs to be your choice. Do you like to have hair or no hair or a little hair or a landing strip or a lightening bolt? My girlfriends and I (who all overshare) all do something different and have different opinions. One lets to get waxes totally, one thinks total waxing looks like a child, and one doesn’t ever wear her contacts in the shower so she can’t see so she just reaches down and shaves the whole thing (her actual words). What do you like? Whatever the answer, he’ll like it because he’ll be like omg she’s letting me see that and have sex and/or do sex acts with it. But the major point is it’s not his fucking choice. It’s yours. (And with all the different choices I’ve made, I’ve never in my life had a guy complain about it. If he did, I’d kick his ass out into the street without his clothes).

Anonymous asked: Why is it bad to be a virgin at 22? Everyone I know except for one isn't & all I hear is how bad it is for anyone to be a virgin or if you say that you are one then you're lying. I'm sick of feeling like I should feel bad for not having sex or first kiss yet. Why is it such a big deal? I want to one day but with my really bad self esteem issues which hold me back to begin with & then the pressure from society to lose it & lose it soon makes it all worse. Am I just not normal?

It isn’t wrong. It isn’t at all. If people think there’s something wrong with it, it’s because they aren’t entirely comfortable with/understanding of sexuality as a whole. It is none of anyone’s business. It’s between you and yourself, or the eventual someone you chose to share that with. It is not wrong, even a little tiny bit. I know everyone has told you that people at different paces, but it’s true. Don’t let someone else’s life choices make you feel bad. It is their life, not yours, and it’s your life, not theirs. Live it at your pace and your style and your comfort level. The only wrong thing is making the choice because of external pressures.