self esteem boosters

Anonymous asked: I know this sounds pathetic, but I just feel insanely unattractive when I see pictures of really attractive women and at times jealous even. I get into this cycle of self pity and I always think that their lives are inherently better than mine. Do you have any advice on how I could change my attitude?

Ugh, welcome to womanhood! Actually, welcome to the human race. I do this too. I see a pretty, usually thin, well dressed girl my age and I’m like, ‘wow, my life sucks and hers is awesome and she’s probably rich and staying in that nice hotel with a great boyfriend and career and travels all the time and wahwahwah.’ But for all I know, she searched for her shoes online to get them half off, or her great purse is a knockoff, or her jeans are from TJMaxx. She might be a student, or a waitress, or a genius, or unemployed. I have no idea.

I have to remind myself of this every time I see this people. You can dress yourself up and strut through the streets and I promise, people are doing it to you too. They think you’ve got money and hot friends and a perfect, fabulous life, but you know that isn’t true. Even if they do have a fancy life, it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t make yours worse.

Remind yourself that you know nothing about that woman, first of all. Then, say fuck it, who cares even if she is the Queen of France, I have to focus on me. Think about your career or studies or big dreams and indulge in those. You’re a fabulous woman with a beautiful life, embrace that and shine it out. If your life isn’t where you want it to be, figure out what you want to do to change that.

To put it simply instead of this long rambling thing, be really selfish, and be really fucking happy about it.

I can promise you that the greatest thing you accomplish in life will not be the size of your jeans. It will not even make the greatest hits list.

One day, you will wake up and realize you:

• have beautiful children
• taught your dog to hi-five
• finished high school
• finished college
• got your master’s degree
• realized what you really want to do, and it’s not what you went to school for
• got to level 67 in Tetris
• made someone laugh
• wrote a novel
• read every novel on your bookshelf
• built your very own furniture
• painted a picture
• gave your mother a gift that made her cry
• saw another state
• saw another country
• saw the world
• wrote it all down
• took pictures that make people weep and smile at the same time
• saved someone’s life
• made someone you’ve never met in real life feel better
• gave a drive by compliment that changed someone’s day
• got your dream job
• created your dream job
• said yes when everyone said no until you got what you wanted
• got out of bed no matter how sad you were

• Take your body to the beach
• Sit it on the beach
• Apply lots of sunscreen to your ultimate beach body

And don’t forget to get the right bathing suit for your body!

• Find something you like (e.g. board shorts, bikini, one piece, burka)
• Put it on your body
• Will it stay in place when you need to kick someone’s ass for discussing appropriate suits for different bodies/body shaming on the beach?
• If the answer is yes, you’ve found the right suit for you body
• Rejoice. See above for what to do with your newly suited body.

PEOPLE DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SIZE OF YOUR WAIST, THE GAP BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS, OR THE SHARPNESS OF YOUR COLLARBONES.

They fall in love with your soul, your laugh, and the way your hair is always sticking up on one side. They fall in love with the way you hold one of their hands with both of yours, how tightly you hug them, and the way you look when you’re dancing. They fall in love with your unconditional kindness, your neurosis, and your exploding wanderlust. They fall in love with your book collection, the way your face lights up when you talk about your favorite novel, and how you spin your own stories. They fall in love with the way you fall in love, the way you sit on the floor to play with puppies, and how you devour your life with a passion.

And you have to fall in love with yourself for these things too, because your body won’t look like this forever (it won’t even look exactly the same tomorrow) but your soul is always going to be shining brightly and endlessly pouring your personality into the world. And that’s worth falling in love with.

To the anonymous reader who says what to do when they look at themselves in the mirror and hate themselves: I just want to let you know that even though I don’t know what you look like or are like i know that you are beautififul. I’m a 22 year old girl who struggled with major self esteem issues, I used to look in the mirror and cry at the mere thought of how ugly I thought I was! And that’s not true! We all are beautiful in our own way, and sometimes it’s hard to tell yourself that you love yourself but it’s that effort that will help you in your own way. I once read that you will be with yourself the rest of your life so why not begin to be comfortable in your own skin. It won’t be easy but it’s definitely possible and once you realize how great you are, you will know that you are worth it! Think highly of yourself because you deserve it!  

Anonymous asked: I tried following a bunch of self esteem and self love tumblrs to try to help me love myself but seeing stuff from them just makes me cry. I can't do it at all. I've tried all the tips like coming up with lists about what you like about yourself and telling yourself that you love yourself in the mirror and all of that and it just makes me hate myself more. What do I do?

It can be totally overwhelming to attempt to love yourself. You read all this stuff and you’re like, let me make this list and smile in the mirror and ignore commercials and oh no, I just had a bad thought about myself, what do I do now? And you freak out because it’s so much at once.

Loving yourself is about taking it one day at a time and one step at a time. Even the most well-adjusted people in the world have entire days when they freak out over calories or feel like shit or hate their hair or want to hide their face from the world (yay for crushing societal pressure!). For anything to stick (exercise, eating healthy, loving yourself) you have to make slow, small changes. The turtle won the race for a reason - slow and steady! When you wake up in the morning, open your curtains and take in whatever weather is out there. Even if it’s crappy, try to remind yourself that it’s a miracle we’re alive and healthy on this crazy spinning globe. When you see your sleep messy hair as you’re brushing your teeth, try to think ‘wow! I am so incredibly human, and one day, some other human will wake up to this every day and love me so much that he/she will think it’s cute.’ Then walk away. Get dressed. Try not to comment mentally on your own weight or clothing or whatever. Just try your hardest to use a positive view. Yay for breakfast that we’re lucky to be able to afford and yay for school that I’m lucky to be able to attend, or for work that I’m lucky to have. Try to thank your body for doing it’s job and carrying you around the world safely. Try to do one of these things every day. You don’t have to attempt to do them all at once. Don’t bombard yourself with blogs either, even if they’re body positive, because you’re already stressed out and sometimes these blogs (mine included) can make it seem like loving yourself is easy, and it isn’t.

Log off, shut down, sit with yourself and think, godddamn I am lucky to be breathing. Hug your mom/dad/sibling. Pet your dog. Step outside. Get out of your own head and be thankful that you exist, and try to make a tiny promise to be thankful for something every day. Try to remember that you only get one body and you only get one life, so you might as well be happy with them. If you want a change, change. Listen to what your body and soul are saying to you right now. Dye your hair or get pierced or work out or fuck working out and eat mountains of ice cream. Put a little bit of money away for travel every time you can. Look into a college far away. Google scholarships you can apply for. See if you can teach something to someone. Go teach english overseas, or teach little kids art, or teach your grandparents how to use an iPhone, or teach yourself yoga and dancing and writing and painting. Externalize for a little while, make your personal world a happy place, then come back to you and see if you feel any differently.

And always give yourself a break. Forgive yourself for the days you can’t muster an ounce of self love. Forgive yourself for crying in bed all day. Wipe your tears, take a long bath, and forget that day even happened. Tomorrow, wake up and put your feet on the floor. If you can do that, we can build on it and turn it into a beautiful life.

Thin privilege is a super shitty thing that needs to be acknowledged. But don’t forget that skinny girls are people, too! Even the ones who have been thin for their entire lives. And some of them:

• Have eating disorders even if you think they look naturally thin and not ‘anorexic looking’ or emaciated.
• Spend hours on the treadmill every day desperately trying to maintain their weight.
• Are terrified of gaining a few pounds because they think it will be so obvious on their frame.
• Count every single calorie they eat and every single calorie they burn.
• Obsess over their food.
• Think of nothing but their size.
• Are paralyzed by the fear of going up a size in their jeans.
• Are constantly wondering how much smaller they can get before people start to worry.

Anyone can have an eating disorder or be riddle with self doubt, so treat everyone nicely! We’re all fighting a battle.

• Look at yourself naked in the mirror. No, don’t push your boobs up. Okay, do it once. Gravity defying! Now let them go and really look at your hot-ass self. Shake. Do an embarrassing dance. If you live alone or are home alone, go do normal things naked. Suddenly you feel sexier! Just close the blinds.
• Dress for yourself, from your underwear to your jacket. If you don’t like it, why are you wearing it? Unless it’s a school uniform, donate it and buy something that speaks to you instead. Is it a work uniform? Well…
• Do you hate your job? Find a new one. But the economy sucks! Shut up! Stop whining! There’s always someone who wants to pay you to do something. Hate working retail? Go walk dogs for a living, or do hair, or get certified to train lizards. Fuck your career plans! Fuck the job fair and the internships you hate. Why spend 5 out of 7 days doing something you despise? Create a career. Consulting criminal? Fucking go for it, man.
• Find something you like and get good at it. Stop quitting when the things you want to accomplish don’t come easy. Suck at yoga but really love it? Do videos every single day until you can teach a class yourself. Then go teach a goddamn class! Tara Stiles started her career by giving classes in her apartment. I have no idea if this is legal but if you’re good at something your friends/family want to be good at, they’ll probs pay you 10 bucks to teach them. Sing, dance, draw, play Zelda, just work on something until you’re confident about it.
• Indulge yourself! Eat really good cheesecake. Take a long bath. Nap. Spend time/money on yourself.
• Indulge other people! Buy a really nice piece of cheesecake for your mom. Clean up the kitchen yourself and draw her a bath while you take care of the shit she’s been doing for years.
• Take care of your health. Go to your doctor, your dermatologist, your chiropractor, your counselor. Wear spf 30 every single day. Actually go ask a professional why your back hurts or why you can’t get out of your own head.
• Strut your stuff everywhere. Like heels? Wear them. Like flats? Wear them. Like giant fluffy bunny slippers? Wear them. Pretend your favorite celeb crush is following you everywhere. Swing them hips, mama!
• Are you shy? That’s okay, man! There is nothing wrong with being an introvert! Spend time alone, don’t force yourself to act like you’re the center of attention if you hate it.
• Forgive yourself! You’ll tell yourself you’re going to do yoga or write or study every single day, and then you won’t do it. That’s okay, because you’re not a robot nor do you have an endless supply of inspiration. Forgive yourself for that. IT IS OKAY. YOU’LL FINISH IT WHEN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHED. If you force it, it’s going to blow anyway.
• No but really, fucking forgive yourself. Let it go and surrender. You can’t control everything!

Anonymous asked: I am super insecure about myself. I literally cannot even post personal things on tumblr, even. I just have this fear of being judged or disliked or just thought stupid. I feel like a waste of space. I feel like I can't be myself at all so I don't know what I'm like.

Okay, listen up! One, you aren’t a waste of space so you need to learn to let that shit go (through talking to someone, meditation, yoga, writing down 3 things every day that you’re happy with and 3 things you love about yourself, and plain old maturing through time). We’re all nervous about being judged because, let’s be honest, people are judging you all the time. The world is judging you. The person next to you on the bus is judging you. But remember: it is about them, not you. They’re comparing themselves to you. Sometimes they feel like they come out on top, sometimes they feel like they aren’t as good as you, but either way it’s their problem.

The important thing is to internalize your own judgement. Don’t compare yourself to them, ignore their shit because it’s their shit to shoulder, and realize you can’t live a life in fear. Love yourself. Really, truly embrace yourself. This takes time (years! many years!) and varies for everyone. Compliment yourself in the mirror every fucking day. Write down 3 things you love about yourself every day. 3 things you’re proud of yourself for doing (working hard on your homework, letting someone go in front at the grocery store, being kind to stranger). Work on you, internalize your thoughts, and most of all: