self esteem boosters

Anonymous asked: I don't get out around people much due to anxiety issues. & when I do, I find everything that's funny but not hysterically funny just that. hysterically funny. I sometimes get to the point where I can't stop laughing I'm still giggling while trying to stop or I'll sit silently laughing. It's so embarrassing because I may look 'happy' outside but inside I'm dying trying to stop! This is ridiculous! What is wrong with me? :(

It’s nerves! They call it nervous laughter for a reason. I do this in situations with people I don’t know, or super cute people, or a really stressful situation. Hey, if you’re laughing, at least you aren’t crying.

Really though, it’s just nerves and you need to calm down inside. You need to work on your anxiety issues outside of the situation. When you have some time to be alone, take some time to work on that. What makes you so nervous? What can you do to make yourself less anxious in general? See a therapist? Talk it out with your parents/friends? Write, read, draw, sing, dance? Find tools necessary to talk yourself down from panicky situations. Literally talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re okay, these people are just people like you, breathe, in and out, inhale, exhale, hum a little song in your head, count down from a hundred, anything that takes your focus off the situation.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not weird or alone.

Anonymous asked: I noticed that you said that you meditate. How do you make it a regular thing? I either always keep forgetting or procrastinating, and my mind is always busy and chatty when I do it.

Oh, god, it’s totally difficult! It’s common for me to sit to meditate, or even do it at the end of a yoga class, and just know it isn’t happening that time. Whenever I teach someone yoga and/o meditation, I say it’s like an orgasm. Everything has to be just right, and you have to learn to internalize to get there.

Meditation is a big accomplishment and it’s life changing because we live such busy, multitasking lives. It’s very hard to clear your mind. The way I do it when I can actually achieve it is usually after a psychically taxing yoga class and I’m in class, so I know those 5 minutes aren’t going to be used for anything else anyway. You have to cut out the time of your day, like for exercise, homework, or brushing your teeth. It’s just something you do and don’t feel guilty for, even if every time you can’t get your mind to quiet. It eventually will. Lower the lights, bump up the heat, get comfortable, even turn on some ambient music. Don’t get paranoid about not moving an inch, just relax. Talk yourself through relaxing every bit of your body. When a thought pops into your head ‘homework! that boy! what happened last week on Doctor Who! how did Sherlock survive the fall?!’ acknowledge it, then send it away. I do this by thinking ‘yes, that’s important, I must know how Sherlock did it, but that’s for me to figure out later. Tonight, after dinner, I’ll think of it.’ Then I put it in an imaginary balloon and let it float away. It sounds cheesy but I promise I’m not shitting you. It works for me, find what works for you.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. Meditation is about releasing guilt. Don’t feel guilty for ‘wasting’ time meditating and don’t feel guilty if you can’t clear your mind. Feel proud of yourself for consistently trying. It’s tough, when your world is like this:

Anonymous asked: How does one become at peace with themselves?

Through years and years of hard work! Yoga and meditation have helped me, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t like how I look, or have a mini breakdown due to dressing room mirrors, or want to stab someone in the eye who is standing between ice cream and me.

Ultimately, it takes surrender, which is terrifying. It’s about being vulnerable and surrendering to the world. You cannot control the world, all you can do is live in it. You can try to guide your life in the direction you want, but really, the universe is going to take you where it takes you no matter what. I had this yoga teacher who would always say, ‘people who stop fighting the world and let life take them along without attempting to control anything are the ones who are never left standing in the ruins.’

That is my hippie advice for the day. A slightly more accessible explanation would be this Looking for Alaska quote. 

“Everything that comes together falls apart,” the old man said. “Everything. The chair I’m sitting on. It was built, and so it will fall apart. I’m gonna fall apart, probably before this chair. And you’re gonna fall apart. The cells and organs and systems that make you you- they came together, grew together, and so they must fall apart. The Buddha knew one thing science didn’t prove for millennial after his death: Entropy increases. Things fall apart.”
It applies to turtles and turtle necks, Alaska the girl and Alaska the place, because nothing can last, not even the earth itself. The Buddha said that suffering was caused by desire, we’d learned, and the cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering. When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.

Friendly reminder that taking a sick day for your mental health day is just as legitimate as taking a sick day for the flu!

I know that right now it feels like nothing is ever going to get better, but I hope you give the world the opportunity to prove you wrong. Because, the world certainly doesn’t owe you anything, and it will punch you in the face a lot, but it’s also full of reasons to live (like late-night laughter, greasy diner breakfasts, quiet walks, starry nights, marathoning tv shows, a comfy bed, traveling the world with a backpack and barely any cash, good coffee, better books, and best friends).

You might not have found your reason yet, but I hope you give yourself the chance to. You might not feel like you deserve anything, but you deserve that - that one chance to find something worth living for every single day. So maybe right now, your reason to live is to find or create a better reason to live, and that’s okay. That’s beautiful too.

You might not feel like you belong in the world anymore, but people want you here. We want you here. We want to see what you can do. We want to see you create a wonderful life, because without you, the world has one less beautiful thing to live for.

Anonymous asked: Hiya, I guess I just wanted someone to give me some direction. I've spoken to someone about my anxiety and apparent 'social phobia', and I'm being referred to someone else. The thing is, I don't think I can do that. I'm going to get a call for either an appointment or phone interview/analysis but I'm so afraid of answering the phone. I can't answer to a lot of people I've known for year or staff from my school who I see most days. I kind of, how do I deal with this?

Speaking on the phone is a common phobia, so don’t worry yourself terribly over that. If it’s specifically answering that bothers you, call the original doctor or the new facility if you have the information. Explain to them as basically as you can that you have trouble answering the phone. They work with phobias all day long! Nothing you say will weird them out. Ask if you can set up a telephone appointment with a specific time and if you can call them.

If you just hate talking on the phone, see if you can email them. If not, try to make one brief phone call, quickly explaining your phone phobia, and ask if you can come in to speak face to face. If you really can’t, ask your parents to. It isn’t a cop out, it’s just that one of the phobias you need help with is one standing in the way of you getting help! It’s a vicious circle and it’s okay to ask for help with it.

Anonymous asked: I don't want to say I'm depressed, but I do hate myself and I'm socially anxious. I'm overweight, 21, and want to lose weight to be attractive. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with both my mental and physical health at the same time.

Okay, here lies a major problem, my dear!

If you hate yourself now, I promise you will hate yourself when you’re thin.

I love exercise as a confidence builder. Nothing makes me feel like I can conquer the world like squatting double my body weight or finally nailing crow-pose without falling on my nose. I feel better physically because I cut out all the junk food and most grains in my life and my body is happy with that, but that took me years of trying ridiculous diets and workout plans to achieve! I didn’t realize that working out should be fun and make me feel good. It wasn’t a punishment solely to fix my ugly body. If you want to workout and get healthy and fit and lift more than you ever thought you could, go for it!

But here is what will happen if you hate yourself the whole way through:

You will be a skinny person that still:

• hates yourself
  
• feels unattractive
  
• is socially anxious
  
• has your job or grades
  
• has your family
  
• has the same exact attitude as before
  
• but you’ll probably have the added plus of being terrified to put any weight back on.
  

If you don’t love yourself before, you won’t love yourself after. Accept your body as it is. It keep you alive. Your legs are made to carry you through life, not to be toothpicks. You belly houses your organs and keeps them safe and protects what could one day be another life if you’re so inclined. Your arms are made to lift you up and punch people in the face who say your weight is who you are.

You’re beautiful and kind and generous and kickass and can conquer the whole world if you just focus a little of that self-hate or desire to be thin on something productive. I don’t have to see you to know you’re gorgeous. Go write down three things you love about your personality and three you love about your looks. Repeat them every morning and remember personality trumps looks every day (for jobs, relationships, and self satisfaction). Being a good person beats being a skinny person every single time.

Anonymous asked: i'm pretty sure i have some form of social anxiety around people and now that i'm on leave from college i don't really see/talk to anyone outside of work, where i still struggle a lot with talking to people. i'm just really bad at speaking and i mumble and mess up my words and i like the idea of getting into a relationship as well but i feel like i can't. i'm 19 and i've never been in a serious relationship/had sex and most of the time i want to crawl into a hole.

First of all, 19 is still very young. Lots of people haven’t had sex or a relationship yet, trust me. Every time I get a question regarding sex/age a bunch of people write in saying they didn’t until they were in their twenties or thirties or they did earlier and regretted it. But most importantly, the focus shouldn’t be on that right now. That’s ancillary and it sounds like you’re letting that validation define you/your happiness a bit.

You have to focus on you and making yourself happy. I often times went through a whole day at college without speaking a word to anyone because I didn’t have to and I didn’t have great social skills. I left school with like two friends, only one who I still speak to. I’d have one friend or person I could speak to in some of my classes and that’s fine. If being at college makes you open up more, look for experiences like that while you’re home - the gym, yoga/zumba class, art classes, museums, parks - anywhere you can go with a large group of people doing like-minded things. Get together with some of your friends from your hometown if you can, or invite college friends, or go out with your work friends or go make friends. The last thing you want to do is wallow with yourself. Be aware of how you feel, accept it, wallow a little bit, then go change it!

If you feel crippled by social interaction, when you go back to school, go see your on-campus counselor, if you live at college, it’s usually covered by the insurance your parents sign off on for residents.

Anonymous asked: I was diagnosed w major depression. Now, I have 'normal'ish days and days where I want to kill myself but know I won't. Like, some days I'm motivated for work etc and others I want to die. I never have manic or super happy episodes so I don't think it's bipolar but I find it strange. I can be planning for my future & then wanting to throw it away.

If you were diagnosed, I assume you’re seeing somebody. Keep seeing them and telling them this! If you don’t like your counselor, request a new one. If they’ve prescribed you medication and you don’t like it or don’t think it works, tell them!

Everyone has days that they aren’t motivated and days they are, and sometimes we plan out this great career then lay in bed instead of working toward it, but if its extreme, you absolutely need to tell someone that you’re swinging between mania and depression. They may need to adjust medication or counseling, or maybe you really need to focus on finding balance in life with your therapist (or parents or guidance counselor or best friend).

All the medication in the world won’t change your life or radically alter your natural thought processes. You aren’t broken. But you do need to accept yourself as you are, and start looking for something to live for (traveling, growing up, seeing the world, your younger siblings, your friends, whatever…but eventually you need to live for you).

• try a yoga video on youtube (or zumba, burlesque, HIIT or anything you’ve never tried before)
• take a five minute walk outside without your ipod. listen to nature or the sounds of the city. inhale. exhale. be amazed that you’re lucky enough to exist on this spinning planet in this beautiful universe
• look up something you know nothing about (the universe has no edge? the dawn of civilization can be interesting?)
• volunteer at an animal shelter or hospital or lgbt youth group.
• try baking. try not to blow up your kitchen. if you do, that’s totally carpe deim-ing
• how fast can you run a mile? put on your sneakers and go find out.
• how long would it take you to skip around your entire block? put on your sneakers and go find out.
• read something that will make you cry; it’s cathartic.
• go to a museum, if you can. if you can’t, look up beautiful art. find a photographer you never knew about. become obsessed. frame all the art you can. take your own photos. frame those too.
• read a poem. be blown away and buy the book.
• get into spoken word. listen to everything you can. find more. write your own.
• ask your parents for old photo albums. laugh at how ugly of a baby you were (hey, we all were).
• do you believe in aliens? make a decision right now! back it up with a good reason. you may need it in a debate someday.
• write out everything you’re feeling right this second. don’t throw it away. look at it one month from now, six months from now, a year from now. see how things change.
• chop off all your hair. or dye it. or try a new style. fail miserably and wash it out within the hour.
• send that text/friend request/make that phone call you’ve been agonizing over for days.
• press your hand over your heart. feel it beat. you may be restless and desperate to escape or overwhelmed with the unshakable urge to just do more with your life, but you’re alive, and that’s a damn good place to start. you can build on that, every single day, and turn it into a happy, exciting life that you’re proud to live.