self esteem boosters

• Take your body to the beach
• Sit it on the beach
• Apply lots of sunscreen to your ultimate beach body

And don’t forget to get the right bathing suit for your body!

• Find something you like (e.g. board shorts, bikini, one piece, burka)
• Put it on your body
• Will it stay in place when you need to kick someone’s ass for discussing appropriate suits for different bodies/body shaming on the beach?
• If the answer is yes, you’ve found the right suit for you body
• Rejoice. See above for what to do with your newly suited body.

PEOPLE DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SIZE OF YOUR WAIST, THE GAP BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS, OR THE SHARPNESS OF YOUR COLLARBONES.

They fall in love with your soul, your laugh, and the way your hair is always sticking up on one side. They fall in love with the way you hold one of their hands with both of yours, how tightly you hug them, and the way you look when you’re dancing. They fall in love with your unconditional kindness, your neurosis, and your exploding wanderlust. They fall in love with your book collection, the way your face lights up when you talk about your favorite novel, and how you spin your own stories. They fall in love with the way you fall in love, the way you sit on the floor to play with puppies, and how you devour your life with a passion.

And you have to fall in love with yourself for these things too, because your body won’t look like this forever (it won’t even look exactly the same tomorrow) but your soul is always going to be shining brightly and endlessly pouring your personality into the world. And that’s worth falling in love with.

• Look at yourself naked in the mirror. No, don’t push your boobs up. Okay, do it once. Gravity defying! Now let them go and really look at your hot-ass self. Shake. Do an embarrassing dance. If you live alone or are home alone, go do normal things naked. Suddenly you feel sexier! Just close the blinds.
• Dress for yourself, from your underwear to your jacket. If you don’t like it, why are you wearing it? Unless it’s a school uniform, donate it and buy something that speaks to you instead. Is it a work uniform? Well…
• Do you hate your job? Find a new one. But the economy sucks! Shut up! Stop whining! There’s always someone who wants to pay you to do something. Hate working retail? Go walk dogs for a living, or do hair, or get certified to train lizards. Fuck your career plans! Fuck the job fair and the internships you hate. Why spend 5 out of 7 days doing something you despise? Create a career. Consulting criminal? Fucking go for it, man.
• Find something you like and get good at it. Stop quitting when the things you want to accomplish don’t come easy. Suck at yoga but really love it? Do videos every single day until you can teach a class yourself. Then go teach a goddamn class! Tara Stiles started her career by giving classes in her apartment. I have no idea if this is legal but if you’re good at something your friends/family want to be good at, they’ll probs pay you 10 bucks to teach them. Sing, dance, draw, play Zelda, just work on something until you’re confident about it.
• Indulge yourself! Eat really good cheesecake. Take a long bath. Nap. Spend time/money on yourself.
• Indulge other people! Buy a really nice piece of cheesecake for your mom. Clean up the kitchen yourself and draw her a bath while you take care of the shit she’s been doing for years.
• Take care of your health. Go to your doctor, your dermatologist, your chiropractor, your counselor. Wear spf 30 every single day. Actually go ask a professional why your back hurts or why you can’t get out of your own head.
• Strut your stuff everywhere. Like heels? Wear them. Like flats? Wear them. Like giant fluffy bunny slippers? Wear them. Pretend your favorite celeb crush is following you everywhere. Swing them hips, mama!
• Are you shy? That’s okay, man! There is nothing wrong with being an introvert! Spend time alone, don’t force yourself to act like you’re the center of attention if you hate it.
• Forgive yourself! You’ll tell yourself you’re going to do yoga or write or study every single day, and then you won’t do it. That’s okay, because you’re not a robot nor do you have an endless supply of inspiration. Forgive yourself for that. IT IS OKAY. YOU’LL FINISH IT WHEN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHED. If you force it, it’s going to blow anyway.
• No but really, fucking forgive yourself. Let it go and surrender. You can’t control everything!

it’s okay

• to start going to the gym on January 1st.
• to be horrendously awkward on all the equipment and attempt to learn it by subtly staring at everyone else.
• to ask someone for help (hopefully someone cute so you can have a romcom romance).
• to only use the cardio station.
• to only lift light weights.
• to only lift heavy weights.
• to only use the sauna.
• to decide you don’t like it and quit after a few months, weeks, days, whatever floats your boat, man.

it’s not okay

• to be an entitled douche about the influx of people at your gym in January

• Eat the food. Eat all of it. Eat every single thing that looks remotely good.
• Have seconds (and thirds, and fourths, and fifths).
• Exercise if you feel like it, but don’t do it as punishment for your 9 course meal made up entirely of desert. Don’t miss time with your family for the gym.
• Drink the holiday drinks. They make family tolerable.
• If someone comments on your large intake of food, stab them with the wishbone.

Remember that even if you’re working out/losing weight/gaining muscle/building strength, it’s okay to veer off the path sometimes. You don’t have to call eating pizza a slip-up; you can call it a damn good dinner. You can skip the gym just because you don’t feel like going, or because you’re tired, or because you’re emotionally down; you don’t have to justify it and you don’t have to force yourself to go just because you aren’t deathly ill. It’s all right to make ‘unhealthy’ choices. It’s okay to put mind before body, because emotional health will always be more important than, and influence, physical health.

Don’t punish yourself. Don’t feel guilty because you ate a big ass piece of cake when it wasn’t your cheat day. Don’t beat yourself up and call yourself lazy for skipping the gym just to lay around in bed. Take every opportunity you have to feed your mind and emotions, your body will follow suit. Following a direct path might be the fastest way to your destination, but it is very rarely the most interesting.

1. Find a suit you like
2. Ask, ‘will my boobs pop out when I run into the water?’
3. Purchase
4. Wear with a smile and damn-I-look-hot-as-fuck-attitude (and sunscreen)