self esteem boosters: Archive

aheart2 said: Well I agree that both are objectifying. The old adage is still very true: sex sells. They are just trying to sell a product. But I believe women are smart enough to know that they don’t have to give sex because someone buys them a gift.

Absolutely, women do know that. The problem is that it continues the very dangerous cycle of telling society that yes, it’s true, women are here for sex. Buy them something and they’ll fuck you, which continues to the idea that women are indebted and get out of it through sex which is a very dangerous ideology. Remember that only 8% of an ads message is received consciously*, so while you’re saying, ‘that’s dumb, I know I don’t have to give sex in return for flowers,’ it’s piling up on all the other ads that imply the same thing. And even when men think, ‘she’s not going to fuck me for flowers,’ it continues to subconsciously remind them that women are sex objects. I am not anti-man at all, but I didn’t see any ads insinuating that if you get him something for Valentines day, he’ll get down on his knees.

*Only 8% of an ads message is received by the conscious mind. The rest is worked and reworked deep within the recesses of the brain.” - Crain, Editor of Advertising Age.

Feb 16, 20122 notes

I usually try to think that within each conflict, no single side is at fault. That being said, I occassionally get some flack from people whom I'm not particularly on friendly terms with even though I did nothing (consciously, at least) to instigate such behavior. While this doesn't lower my self esteem, it bother me because I'd like to correct the problem if I had some part in creating the conflict. I happen to have a reputation for being aloof and distant but I don't mean any harm by it. Help?

It’s true that usually one single side isn’t at fault. Conflicts are caused by both or all parties. Not everything needs to be talked to death and ‘fixed’ but if you’re feeling guilty or upset by a conflict, just bring it up. Explain that you didn’t mean to upset anybody and you’d just like to solve the situation.

Feb 15, 2012

#advice #friendship

Anonymous asked you:

How is the teleflora commercial any different than women ogling the David Beckham commercial?

This is probably going to take up some space so I’m making a post out of it. I’m assuming you’re referring to this post of mine.

Here is my personal opinion on the subject.

The David Beckham commercial is gratuitous sex appeal used to promote a product. It’s objectifying. The difference is, the Teleflora commercial outright says, ‘buy her these flowers and she’ll suck your dick.’ (The ‘give and you shall receive’ said in Lima’s sexy accent, where receive clearly means receive oral sex.) If you want to give your man a blowjob for Valentine’s day, all the more power to you. The problem is that it’s implying that if you give a woman an expensive bouquet of flowers, she’s obligated to have sex with you or give you a blowjob or whatever. Not to mention that it’s implying that Valentine’s day is all about sex. Get her these flowers and she’ll fuck you, because that was your end game, right? I mean, it’s not like you just want to get her flowers because she’ll appreciate them and you love her. That would make you a pussy.

Ads constantly make women submissive objects, which reinforces rape culture. In this ad, women are a very basic toy. Insert flowers that will die in three days, legs will open or she’ll get on your knees. Yay! Toy solved. Millions of ads make women vulnerable objects: beer bottles, cars, whatever. Anything you can play with and break and move on from. I did a lengthy post on that here.

As for David Beckham, yeah the commercial is just as annoying as any Victoria’s Secret ad. ‘I’m hot, buy these undies and you will be too.’ But David looks strong and powerful and very much not an object that can be broken and abused. I don’t get furious with VS commercials because, while they’re an annoying display of ‘buy this and you’ll look like us and look like straight sex,’ the angels usually look strong and in charge, not falling all over themselves for a man.

^ I’m going to suck your dick for those flowers in the background because I’m indebted to you.

^Objectifying, but still strong and in charge

Feb 15, 201212 notes

#personal #rape culture

justfivemore replied to your post: What are you doing for valentine’s day?

ME TOO high fives

Feb 15, 2012

What are you doing for valentine's day?

Watching cupcake wars and the biggest loser and eating lots of food.

Feb 14, 20124 notes

So, personal fitness is a requirement for graduation at our school, but I'm really self conscious, especially about my self harm scars. Most of my scars are words like ugly and failure, so it's pretty obvious. I asked my friend and she said that we all change in front of each other, and there's no stalls, or anything to hide my body. I don't want anyone to see them, least of all do I want my actual friends finding out about my self harm from others. I mean, is there anything I can do?

Unfortunately, I had to pass gym all four years to graduate high school. I have a lot of lovely scars too as did a lot of friends. The thing is, when you’re changing in the locker room, it isn’t at all like a teen movie. Girls aren’t strutting around in the underwear, everyone is rushing to get changed without flashing each other and getting their boobs, hips and butt judged. I had some bad self harm marks in my early high school years which have faded to nothingness, and I was a big believer in a long sleeved shirt under everything until I grew confident enough about them to just say, ‘yes, that was a part of my life and I’m over it and stronger for it.’ It’s your past, it’s not anyone else’s business. If all else fails and you’re positive that people are going to see them, then you’re going to have to talk to your teacher and explain that you have some scarring and body issues that you really aren’t comfortable sharing. There’s a chance she’ll let you change in the bathroom or show up early/leave late. If you talk to her, it’s her responsibility to make you comfortable and keep you safe. If she doesn’t know, she’s not going to do anything about it.

Feb 14, 20123 notes

#advice #self harm

I think I want to be a musician. I'm afraid my friends will laugh and not take me seriously and I'm even more afraid that my parents will want me to focus on school. I'm the most afraid that I won't be good enough. What do I do?

Whether you want to be a musician or an accountant, someone is going to be like, ‘that’s stupid.’ And you are going to be like, ‘go fuck yourself, you douche canoe.’ Mostly because douche canoe is a hysterical word, but also because you have to stand up for yourself. While I believe in still going to college and getting kickass grades (which many of my musician friends have done) you need to follow your heart. There’s no rule that says you can’t do well in school and play music. If you don’t do what you want, you’ll kick your own ass down the road, but you’ll also kick your own ass if you don’t at least give yourself a chance at school too. Just for reference:

Girl Talk has a BS in biomedical engineering
John Legend has a BA in English
Kenney Chesney has a BA in advertising
Ted Leo (of and the pharmacists) has a BA in English
Greg Graffin (Bad Religion - I’m not old goddammit) has his bachelors in anthropology and geology, a masters in geology and a doctorate of zoology
Rivers Cuomo has a bachelors in American Literature from Harvard
Dexter Holland from The Offspring has a masters in molecular biology

Feb 14, 20122 notes

#advice #school

I have this friend whos family has pretty much disowned him, and they betrayed him for choices he made a long time ago, and things he has already apologized for and fixed, that didn't even INVOLVE them. His mom was pregnant, and they didn't even tell him when she had the baby. He didn't know that he now had a brother. How messed up is that?! and I have no way to help him! He is literally the most amazing person in my life, and I can't even figure out how to help him...

Teenagers go through a lot of adult stuff, but lack the power adults have, and unfortunately, that’s your position right now. I know it feels unfair, but you can’t save him, take him away, or fix his family. Be there for him, whether it’s at noon or three a.m. Be willing to talk to him or just be an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on. You can bring ice cream or let him sleep over or whatever you feel will help/he needs, but you can’t fix anything, even though that sucks.

Feb 13, 2012

#advice #friendship

If this isn't allowed here please just ignore this!---- I was wondering if anyone knew where a good place to buy wigs from online? I need a wig till my hair grows out but I don't know what sites are legit. I'm looking for natural & unnatural colors. Thanks!

Feb 13, 2012

I am so fucking sad. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a few days ago. We decided that we will continue to be best friends. But I still can't believe that we really are broken up. One minute I am okay and telling myself that "I can do this" and then the next second, I can't keep from crying and wondering why this happened. I tell myself that I can do this and that eventually, I will be okay. How can I keep my mind busy and still be best friends with him? :(

That’s a bummer. A big bummer. Also, a life bummer. As in, it happens in everyone’s life, and every does survive it. It isn’t easy, but you do. You wake up, you get through the day, you go to sleep, and you do it again. You eat lots of ice cream. You get cranky. You join the gym. You quit the gym. You fail a class. You become an A student. Whatever works for you. Being best friend with him is probably not going to work though. It makes it impossible to move on, considering you were in such a long term relationship. I know it hurts to lose him, but that’s part of moving on.

Feb 13, 20123 notes

#advice #relationships

I went into college directly after high school. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do for a living, but my parents wanted me to go to college ASAP. The program I chose was incredibly interesting. I made a lot of friends and experienced good things. Unfortunately, the career wasn't for me and its embarrassing when people ask "why aren't you working at a _____ then?" I can’t help but feel that, besides the good times & people, that I wasted my time and money.

So many people are in this position, including me. I’m not working in the psych field because none of it is appealing to me but this. I love this. Blogging is not what I went to college for, sadly. Who gives a shit what they think? People ask me all the time and it hurts a little, but it isn’t their business. College is a learning experience, even if you don’t get a career in your major (75% of college grads don’t go onto a career in their major). You can get into most grad schools regardless of what your major was as long as you have a bachelors, even if you have to take a few extra courses. You’re young. It’s your life. You just learned that sometimes life doesn’t follow the plan you made. That’s important. Embrace it. Now you’ll do what you really love, and that’s freeing.

Feb 13, 20121 note

#advice #college #work

In defense of food

I’ve posted before about how I love food and I love that it’s a family and cultural bond. I bake a lot, but I don’t eat a lot of what I bake, and that sucks. If you think it sucks too, there are things you can do!

In my cupcakes, when it calls for eggs, I split it 50/50. Half the amount of real eggs, half egg beaters/egg whites. Half the sugar with stevia or use fruit which drastically diminishes the amount of sugar needed. Applesauce instead of oil. Fat free buttermilk. And make minis! I can’t remember I ate an entire cupcake without feeling like my bloodstream had turned to pure sugar.

Don’t be scared to occasionally eat an entire full fat cupcake, but if you constantly have baking going on in your house or your family refuses to eat your sugary, high calorie treats, make some changes!

Feb 12, 20127 notes

#personal #fitness #health #recipe #cupakes

I have a dilemma. I study best when I'm upstairs alone in my quiet room, where there's a desk and chair. I can often work long hours. But the rest of my family are downstairs and I feel bad for not being there with them, especially if anyone's alone downstairs. I've tried working downstairs, but it's hard to because it's quite loud, and there is no desk and chair. How do I choose?

There needs to be a balance. You do need to study, and they understand that. When you finish up, go downstairs and spend time with them. If that means you need to study when you first come home and they aren’t there yet, then watch TV with them late at night, or vice versa, that’s fine. Just make sure you balance it out.

Feb 12, 20121 note

#advice #school #family

My mom (only) is going to live in North Carolina for business purposes, and we live in Cali. She asked if I wanted to move with her since my dad wouldn't properly be able to take care of my since he's busy ALL the time. I'm actually very tempted to say yes since I only have one friend and my life feels pretty boring and dull. I'm only hesitating cause' I don't want to leave some people here & I've never moved before. But I'm only 15 and can barely take care of myself. What should I do?

This is all resting on your shoulders is pretty unfair. Your parents should be taking more involvement in the decision. It is your life and your choice though, and while it’s very scary, you need to think of which works better for you. Moving is scary and hard, but it could be good for you, but so could staying behind. I can’t make the decision for you. You need to make a little pro/con list, then see where your heart takes lies. If you could take a trip to see NC that would be great too!

Feb 12, 2012

#advice #family

truelifesex:

This sadly hasn’t been updated for a while because we’ve all been too busy to meet up. Luckily we got back together on a snowy Boston evening and caught up over the results of my new cupcake baking obsession. A has moved on from the semi famous musician to a semi famous local dj. He’s a total…

Feb 12, 20125 notes

#sex #the sex files #relationships

If you’re getting shit from your family/friends for eating clean and/or working out dirty.

Feb 11, 20121 note

#fitspo #fitness #self esteem #love yourself

Be overly nice to your siblings sometimes

You probably gave them hell growing up. My big brother brought me dinner today, which from a sibling, no matter how old you get, makes you go all squinty eyed and think if you’d done anything in the past week to warrant getting poisoned. But sometimes you just want to be nice. In my baking craze, I’ve been giving him all the best cupcakes and I always pick him up coffee when I buy one. Why? Because I gave him the scar on his hand and slammed his fingers in the door twice growing up (only once was it on purpose).

But we’re not talking about the shitty things I’ve done. One time, I was doing my nails with my best friend in the bathroom and closed the door because B was right outside in the chair, whining about the smell of polish. When we went to leave, the doorknob broke off. Cue wild pounding on the door for ten minutes with B, I repeat, right outside the door.

He ignored us and eventually the only option was the window. My best friend didn’t fit, so I had to pry open the window over the tub and climb out, crashing onto the back deck then go around. He was still outside the door. To this day he claims, ‘I thought you guys were joking.’

So yes, bring your siblings mexican food when you can, or just ice cream or coffee when you get one. You probably owe them a lot.

Feb 11, 20128 notes

#family #personal #self esteem #love yourself

That gif is awesome *adds* xD MCR have helped to save my life plenty of times, as well.

Feb 11, 2012

MCR are awesome - you're never too old to go to one of their concerts! Your life sounds fun though :3

It’s not too shabby! At least that massive scar is from a band that probably saved my teenage life.

Feb 11, 20123 notes

Why are your arms and legs scarred up? :c

I was a really active child. I grew up in a small New England town so when you woke up your mom was just like…go outside, come back when the streetlights are on. So I played in the woods all the time and skinned my knees and cut up my legs. Then, recently, I went to an MCR show with my brother and we talked the entire time about how we were way too old to be there which was proven when a 14 year old jostled me for space and kicked me in the shin and I came out bleeding. It was hysterical at the time but I have a massive scar now. It’s still pretty funny. My arms are scarred because I grew up with eczema and scratched all the time. I don’t anymore which is great, but I’m really ale so you can certainly see the discoloration. But whatever, that’s life man. People ask me about the dig on my shin all the time and I’m just like listen, I probably shouldn’t have been 22 on the floor at a My Chemical Romance show. Lesson learned.

Feb 11, 20122 notes