Someone is going to, but you need to put yourself out there. Let them know you’re willing to be in a relationship and stop focusing on your friends. Someone out there is the one for you, but he just hasn’t come through yet. Be patient, you’re worth way more than a relationship. Focus on your other positive features, focus on school and work, focus on yourself and your friendships. A guy will not fulfill your life and he never should.
You can’t stop yourself from looking forward entirely, that’s just a human aspect, but focus on living in the present. Put importance into every day. Do things that are distracting. Go do something new together. Go to the carnival or an amusement park, tackle an entire tv series in one day or create a gore fest complete with popcorn and snacks.
Realize that you’ll never get to the future if you don’t live today and build those days into weeks which turn to months, which become the future.
If you really can’t stop, then maybe you should reevaluate your relationship and make sure you aren’t settling.
Everyone secretly wants the one who doesn’t want them to want them. That made no sense. Okay. We all want to be proven right, and we want to be wanted, even if we know we shouldn’t be with person. I see physical separation to be the best process for that.
It’s hard but you need to literally step away and take him out of your life. He has no place there. He’s gone and it’s staying that way. Don’t hang around his friends, don’t ask about him. The further away you get, the less you’ll think about him and want his approval.
Thank you for sharing your story! Those little obsessions are going deeper. Don’t think of yourself as ‘fixed’ and definitely don’t be ashamed of what you’ve gone through. You’re not letting anyone down, especially not your parents, no matter what you do. The pressure you’re putting on yourself is creating the obsessions. Stop thinking in terms of fixed and now in a new life. Think of it as one long road. You’ve passed the really rocky part and you need to be so proud of that, but that place still exists. You can’t force it away. Think forward constantly, but remember the lessons you learned back then instead of the way you punished yourself.
We’re all shy and awkward inside, but some people can overcome it while it’s harder for others. Social anxiety is so so normal, and there are little tricks to overcome it, because just let it go doesn’t always help.
Breathe, for one! Keep your breathing even to prevent yourself from panicking, and really focus on the external. Get outside of your own head and focus on them. Remember their name, ask them about themselves, where they went to school, what their job is etc. Notice the color of their hair, their own socials cues, and realize that they’re anxious, too. They might put their hands in their pockets or bite their lip, but they’re a little scared too.
Breathe, smile, and get out of your own head. You aren’t coming off as a freak and definitely not a fool. Everyone is worrying about how they’re acting, not about how you are.
Oh, no. This is always bad. To me, friends come first. Boys come and go, friends are there forever, as long as you don’t screw them over. You can’t stop the jealousy, but you need to evaluate whether or not he’s losing your friend over. You need to talk to your friend, too, because she doesn’t have a stable relationship that you can be happy for, and she doesn’t even know it.
It’s easy and okay to focus on yourself, but step out of your shoes and look at it from her point of view.
Thank you! I’ll take that as a virtual hug. It’s human nature to compare ourselves to other people, especially our friends. You need to stop thinking of you beauty and worth in such basic terms, and certainly not in someone else’s terms. Even I get bummed at the bar because I have a super hot friend, but I remember that I’m shy while she’s outgoing, and I have great things to offer, too. I don’t want to chat with a random guy all night and never see him again, I’m a relationship person.
Identify who you are, what beauty means to you, and how that applies to you, then validate yourself. Say, ‘to me, beauty is intelligence and wit, it’s kindness and compassion,’ and acknowledge that you have those things.
Rest assured that some day, a guy who is a little quieter like you is going to notice the quiet girl and the corner, and wonder what her story is, and how she’s mysterious because she isn’t putting everything out there up front.
You want a long lasting relationship, not just attention from passing boys. Make yourself happy. You’re beautiful, you just need to redefine beauty for yourself. Adapt it and work with it.
For me, it’s the schedule and the habit of it. It’s the same thing with my insomnia, or eating right. I’m extremely habitual, so it’s the easiest for me. I always work out at the same time, in the morning before work or school. If you set a consistent time and always plan your day around it, you should keep the habit easier. Work your eating times around it, too, so you aren’t too full or starving.
For the days you still need a little motivation, I’ll stick a big Commit to Fit sign to my mirror, or some Jillian Michaels quotes. I’ll switch up my routine, too. I’ll look up work outs ondemand, which really helps too because the instructors are always peppy and motivating.
I think of it like this, I can’t quit, I just can’t. There’s no ‘well..maybe I’ll cut out a few reps.’ No. It’s not an option. Then I pat myself on the back when I finish, eat some protein, grab a shower, and feel better about my day.
Apparently you guys are as torn as me on the moving my advice issue. I’m at least going to work through all the remaining asks today, then I’ll make a decision. In the meantime, I’m writing a paper on the death penalty in the cases of the mentally disabled.
Papers are usually my strong point, and this one is only 1000 words, but it counts for half my forensic psych grade. To be honest, I never check the syllabus after I first get it, mostly because I lose it. At first I panicked because it’s worth half my grade, but then I started to think about worth.
I’ll throw a paper together on the fly and usually end up with a good grade, but now I’m panicking about the sources I need to find, what chapters of the book to use etc etc. But shouldn’t I be putting that much focus into even a paper worth 5 percent of my grade? That’s part of the reason I don’t check the syllabus, because if I start prioritizing by worth that way, then things get complicated and I stop writing papers based on their moral value. I prioritize based on if I think the subject is important, and because I like to put my all into my school work.
What does worth mean to you? How do you prioritize things morally? What gets the most value? Grades? Money? Personal satisfaction? All these ways are okay, because every person is different. What about you, do you decide by numbers or just on heart?
Okay, time for you to answer a question for me:
I love answering advice, but I’m always worried that I’m flooding people’s dashes with questions that weren’t there’s. So. Should I move the advice to my macro, which you can chose to follow or just check in on if you ask anon, and keep this one for the numbered advice and health tips, random ramblings, and bursts of opinion on self esteem?
I’d still answer the ones in my ask now, and if someone accidentally sent one here I’d still answer it of course. I don’t want to make things more difficult, but I could put an advice link on my sidebar that led you right to my macro ask box…wait, I’m not a techie, is that possible?
Okay, move my advice over, yes or no?
It’s not weak to want someone to prove that wrong, because I think you know it’s wrong. You’re brave and strong, but so much so that it’s becoming a hindrance. Be smart and picky, but don’t let your fears hold you back, because that’s what they are. You’re scared to get hurt, and that’s reasonable, but you’re overgeneralizing and stereotyping the entire gender.
Be careful, of course, but don’t hold yourself back from something beautiful.
I know! Every time I watch it I want to announce that I am not watching porn, but I also want to make sure I get in the exhales right so I’m like sneaking it on my headphones which looks way worse.
I am dying. When I got to the fifteen burpees I was ready to quit, then I realized I only had to go to eleven and forced myself to push through. I still kind of wanted to die though. At least it’s short! Let me know how it goes if you do it.
I just did bodyrock.tv swimming in my own sweat. Excuse me while I die. I didn’t think it was bad but now I’m sitting here legit pouring sweat. Too gross? Sorry. I’m a chick but I workout with the goal to kick ass like a guy, so I end up pretty grungy.
But I need a bleach job and my eyebrows done. Duality, babies.
Maybe I’m sweaty because I’m staring at Jensen Ackles absurd face. Something about Dean telling Cas to get out of his ass makes me go… o____0
Someone go do the workout and sweat with me. Or turn on the CW and stare and Jensen and Jared and try not to sweat.
You could have social anxiety, which you can see a counselor about. Remember that there are people just like you everywhere. There’s this great quote by psychologist Carl Jung, ‘I think for me, everyday would be the last day of summer and I’d be left out in the cold with no place to go because there are very few people I can relate to every day of my life forever who understand me.”
I felt this way for a long time, about the big things and the little things. Opening up helps. I’d be chatting about something nerdy in class and someone would suddenly be like, ‘omg, I thought that was just me!’ Even tumblr helps, it’s full of people and ‘that awkward moment when’ that make you realize just how normal the things you do are.
If it’s too much to handle on your own, go see someone. Social anxiety is very common and a counselor can really help. We’re all intertwined here. We’re on this Earth to make connections with people who understand us, and they are there. I promise.
Well, you don’t have to believe in soulmates. Not everyone does. It’s rare to love just one person, and you can’t always put all your faith in the ‘fate will make it happen’ theory. Someone will come along, and whether you’re soulmates or not, you’ll love each other. It won’t be easy like you expect soulmates to be, but if you work at it, one day you’ll grow together to make one shared soul.
Love isn’t an object. It’s a feeling, and even if you don’t believe anymore, it’s going to tackle you out of nowhere.
I have a bunch of asks queued up and some I still need to answer that I’ll be getting to tonight. Just know that I answer each and every one, so if yours hasn’t come up yet, just check back tonight. I’m not ignoring you guys, just taking the pup to the vet and then working. Have a kickass Friday, lovelies.